I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
