just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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