You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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