Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
