Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
