tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
