I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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