My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
