i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
