look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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