she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
