I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize