: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize