just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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