if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
