omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize