I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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