I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
