i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
should my penis look like a turkey
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
