don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
