Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
