I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
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