This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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