I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
The Olympian is in my bed
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