dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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