dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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