I can tuck mytits in my pants
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
