one two three fourrrrnication!
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
