I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize
