She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
