I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
