yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
