True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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