Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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