I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
