Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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