It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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