I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize