u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
BRING THE BAGELS
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
