i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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