Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
