I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Even my vagina gasped.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
