my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
