I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
