This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
