yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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