I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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