Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
