i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
