what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
3pm strippers are depressing
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
