Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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