he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I am available for nakedness
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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