Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
