She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
