Who did Billy Mays play for?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
