So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
