I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
