So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
