she was so not down for the gang bang
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
