I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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