I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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