I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize