Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
