Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
