You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
