Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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