He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
