Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
