weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
