how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
