i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
