I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
