Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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