Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Is her dick bigger than yours?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
