So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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