I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
