I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
