We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
