hell yes lets make some ravioli
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
