i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
