Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
