marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
