I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
