maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
