just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
