You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize