can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
