need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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