idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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