HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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