so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
