: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
