the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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