How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
