And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
