mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
