so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
