Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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