if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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