if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
