Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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