Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
