I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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