dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
