omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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